Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Infallible Africans

Tim Bob: Professor Red, I realize that we haven't yet had a chance to discuss the article about your blog in the Washington Post...

Professor Red: That's okay, Tim, I actually haven't had a chance to carefully read it myself, so I don't mind if we put off talking about that until another time.

Tim Bob: Great. Because I really wanted to talk to you about your recent post about black leaders being targeted by the White Power structure.

Professor Red: African Leaders.

Tim Bob: I beg your pardon?

Professor Red: Not "Black Leaders." "African Leaders"

Tim Bob: Strictly speaking, none of the people we're talking about are actually Africans, right? I mean, they might have ancestors who are from Africa, but they're actually Americans.

Professor Red: I just need to keep in persona. My persona refers to all Americans by the term "White Man," even though Americans include whites, blacks, Hispanics, and many others. But all black men are referred to as "African"

Tim Bob: Why is that, exactly?

Professor Red: It's just my way of reminding my readers of how embarrassed my persona is of the color of his skin. Professor Red just can't stand to be reminded that he's black.

Tim Bob: Which is, amusingly, why you go by the name Professor Red?

Professor Red: That's right.

Tim Bob: Okay, well, getting back to the question at hand. Is there some clue in your post that we're not supposed to take your comments seriously? Because, to be honest, I didn't see it. This one actually looked like a "serious" post by a raving lunatic, rather than a "funny" post by a comedian.

Professor Red: Well, I actually was going for something a little more serious this time. I wanted to point out how irrational racism can really be.

Tim Bob: I'm not sure I understand.

Professor Red: Well, the post begins from the premise that Africans (that's "black people" to you) never ever ever do anything wrong. This is something I've hinted at several times in my blog, with comments like "Africans can't be judged by whites".

Tim Bob: And you've posted several similar comments over at IMDB as well.

Professor Red: Yes, that's right. So if you begin from that premise, the logical conclusion is that whenever Africans are "charged" with something, it must be a false charge, and therefore trumped up by the whites.

Tim Bob: But if we actually find proof of wrongdoing...

Professor Red: See, that's the beauty of my premise. If you start from the postulate that Africans never do anything wrong, you MUST conclude - no matter how convincing the evidence might be - that the evidence of your eyes and ears is WRONG. It's very circular.

Tim Bob: But the problem I see is this: there doesn't seem to be any clue in your post that you don't actually believe the things you're saying.

Professor Red: Oh, yes, there is! It's in the linked post from a few months back.

Tim Bob: I vaguely remember that one...

Professor Red: It's the one in which I talked about the NY governor being innocent, but then very cleverly hid a statement in the post which very clearly stated that he was really guilty.

Tim Bob: That's right! I remember that! It was the triple negative!

Professor Red: Exactly! Unfortunately, most people seem to miss out on that clue, so they end up thinking that I really believe that Africans are infallible.

Tim Bob: Well, thank you for clarifying - I feel much better about your post now.

Professor Red: Glad to help out!

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