Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Washington Post Article

Tim Bob: Good morning, Professor Red!

Professor Red: Good morning, Tim Bob. It's good to see you again.

Tim Bob: Well, thanks for coming in this morning. I think it's time we finally got around to discussing that Washington Post article.

Professor Red: That's right. We haven't talked about that yet, have we.

Tim Bob: Not really. And I think it's particularly timely, in light of the post you added to your blog this morning.

Professor Red: Because? Oh, yes. I see what you mean.

Tim Bob: Let's talk first about your impressions. What was your reaction when you found out that the Washington Post was running an article about your blog?

Professor Red: Well, for starters, I was a bit astounded. I mean, the local paper down here hasn't even run a story on it, so I never would have guessed my blog would get national attention!

Tim Bob: Did you think the article was fair and impartial?

Professor Red: I think they did fairly well, considering they didn't interview me.

Tim Bob: Was that your choice or theirs?

Professor Red: Strictly speaking, I suppose it was my choice, because I don't post any real contact information on my blog.

Tim Bob: But they could have posted a comment on your blog, asking for that information.

Professor Red: It's very possible that they did. The thing is, everyone is always asking me for more information about who I am, and considering the nature of the blog, and the animosity it generates, I'm not eager to have that information out there. So they might have posted a comment months ago asking for my contact information, and I would have just ignored it.

Tim Bob: Understandable. So. What did they get right? What did they get wrong?

Professor Red: Well, their assessment that I was probably not a black man from Africa was spot on; I think they said they had a language and dialect specialist analyze my writing, and concluded that I was actually a middle aged white male from...which state was it?

Tim Bob: Georgia.

Professor Red: Right. So they really weren't so far off.

Tim Bob: Not far at all.

Professor Red: I think the thing that troubled me the most was the accusation that my blog was going to actually harm Obama's chances at being elected.

Tim Bob: And their rationale behind that was?

Professor Red: Their argument was that the people who read my blog don't realize that it's just a joke blog, and they actually take it quite seriously.

Tim Bob: I think the kinds of comments you get are a good indication that most people don't realize you're just having a bit of fun.

Professor Red: Right. The comments I get are quite troubling at times. So the Post article suggested that maybe people are looking at my blog and thinking to themselves "If this idiot is one of Obama's advisers, there's no way I'm going to vote for him!"

Tim Bob: And in fact, the Washington Post did a survey in which they polled black people to find out their opinions...

Professor Red: And even the black people were appalled by the kinds of things I was saying, and were leaning away from voting for Obama because of them.

Tim Bob: Amazing to think what power your little blog has, huh?

Professor Red: I know! I mean, I've always heard people talk about "king-makers" - it's kind of awe inspiring to realize that I could very well be a "king-unmaker"! Can you imagine, if I singlehandedly prevented Obama from being elected?

Tim Bob: But that's not what you want...

Professor Red: Oh no! I hold no animosity toward Obama - I've never even met the man. I just wanted to have some fun.

Tim Bob: Which leads us to your most recent post...

Professor Red: Exactly. In this post I start the process of distancing myself from the idea that I might actually be one of Obama's advisers. I'm not giving up on that joke, but I'm starting to drop a few hints that Obama really doesn't listen to me.

Tim Bob: In fact, your most recent post is a pretty good hint that Obama sees you as a bit of a crackpot he just "has to put up with".

Professor Red: Yes. So for those who get the fact that I'm kidding around, they still get the ongoing gag about me being an adviser to Obama, but for those who are clueless to the true nature of this blog, at least I'm not damaging Obama's chances by making it appear as though Obama actually listens to me!

Tim Bob: Well thanks for coming in, Professor Red. And just one last comment before we go. I really enjoyed your line about "moral" choices. I thought it was just priceless - the idea that choosing a black vs. white running mate was an issue of morality.

Professor Red: If that doesn't clue them in...what will?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Infallible Africans

Tim Bob: Professor Red, I realize that we haven't yet had a chance to discuss the article about your blog in the Washington Post...

Professor Red: That's okay, Tim, I actually haven't had a chance to carefully read it myself, so I don't mind if we put off talking about that until another time.

Tim Bob: Great. Because I really wanted to talk to you about your recent post about black leaders being targeted by the White Power structure.

Professor Red: African Leaders.

Tim Bob: I beg your pardon?

Professor Red: Not "Black Leaders." "African Leaders"

Tim Bob: Strictly speaking, none of the people we're talking about are actually Africans, right? I mean, they might have ancestors who are from Africa, but they're actually Americans.

Professor Red: I just need to keep in persona. My persona refers to all Americans by the term "White Man," even though Americans include whites, blacks, Hispanics, and many others. But all black men are referred to as "African"

Tim Bob: Why is that, exactly?

Professor Red: It's just my way of reminding my readers of how embarrassed my persona is of the color of his skin. Professor Red just can't stand to be reminded that he's black.

Tim Bob: Which is, amusingly, why you go by the name Professor Red?

Professor Red: That's right.

Tim Bob: Okay, well, getting back to the question at hand. Is there some clue in your post that we're not supposed to take your comments seriously? Because, to be honest, I didn't see it. This one actually looked like a "serious" post by a raving lunatic, rather than a "funny" post by a comedian.

Professor Red: Well, I actually was going for something a little more serious this time. I wanted to point out how irrational racism can really be.

Tim Bob: I'm not sure I understand.

Professor Red: Well, the post begins from the premise that Africans (that's "black people" to you) never ever ever do anything wrong. This is something I've hinted at several times in my blog, with comments like "Africans can't be judged by whites".

Tim Bob: And you've posted several similar comments over at IMDB as well.

Professor Red: Yes, that's right. So if you begin from that premise, the logical conclusion is that whenever Africans are "charged" with something, it must be a false charge, and therefore trumped up by the whites.

Tim Bob: But if we actually find proof of wrongdoing...

Professor Red: See, that's the beauty of my premise. If you start from the postulate that Africans never do anything wrong, you MUST conclude - no matter how convincing the evidence might be - that the evidence of your eyes and ears is WRONG. It's very circular.

Tim Bob: But the problem I see is this: there doesn't seem to be any clue in your post that you don't actually believe the things you're saying.

Professor Red: Oh, yes, there is! It's in the linked post from a few months back.

Tim Bob: I vaguely remember that one...

Professor Red: It's the one in which I talked about the NY governor being innocent, but then very cleverly hid a statement in the post which very clearly stated that he was really guilty.

Tim Bob: That's right! I remember that! It was the triple negative!

Professor Red: Exactly! Unfortunately, most people seem to miss out on that clue, so they end up thinking that I really believe that Africans are infallible.

Tim Bob: Well, thank you for clarifying - I feel much better about your post now.

Professor Red: Glad to help out!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

The Racism of "So You Think You Can Dance"

Tim Bob: Let's get right to it, shall we, Professor Red?

Professor Red: Certainly!

Tim Bob: Several people have really had a lol (Laugh Out Loud) moment when they read the photo caption on your latest blog entry, and I was wondering if maybe you could comment on how you came up with that caption?

Professor Red: Well, let's first explain what the photo is. It's a still capture of a scene from the show "So You Think You Can Dance," which shows a black man and a white woman "dancing"...actually, can we post a link to the picture?

Tim Bob: Sure. We can do that. [link: So You Think You Can Dance]

Professor Red: So, when you see a picture like that, the obvious caption that springs to mind is: "So You Think You Can Dance" has white women wear clown-like clothing and being subjugated by black people with whips. But, of course, that suggests the wrong sort of racism for my blog.

Tim Bob: Very true!

Professor Red: So I thought to myself, "If I were a black man who sees racism everywhere, how would I look at this picture?" And then it became quite obvious how that picture would be perceived by a mentally deficient person who thinks that everything from vanilla ice cream to hot fudge sauce is racist!

Tim Bob: And then, I suppose, the caption more or less wrote itself!

Professor Red: Yes indeed, Tim Bob!

Tim Bob: I think your comment about "perceiving" really gets to the heart of your blog.

Professor Red: You mean...

Tim Bob: Well, your blog is titled "Truth First," but the persona you've created for yourself really is far more interested in perception than in truth.

Professor Red: That's right, Tim Bob. Truth really has nothing to do with it - it's all about how we perceive things. After all, if I had to simply speak the truth, it would be much more difficult to write funny stuff.

Tim Bob: And when it comes to funny stuff, I've gotta say, you've hit comedic gold with this latest one.

Professor Red: Thanks so much, Tim Bob.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Hypocritical Liar who is Obama...

Tim Bob: Professor Red, thanks so much for joining me again for another interview.

Professor Red: It is, as always a pleasure, to visit with you.

Tim Bob: I do know, though, that your time is very valuable, so I'll make this quite quick. I was interested by your latest blog entry. The entry itself, on the surface seemed fairly straightforward, but one of your alert readers, mustapha, caught the joke of it, that you're really posting precisely the reason why your "racist pig persona" WOULDN'T vote for Obama.

Professor Red: That's right, Tim Bob. The persona I've created would NEVER vote for a candidate who hopes for peace between blacks and whites. As you've so aptly pointed out, my "professor" persona is, in fact, a racist pig, and is desperate to keep hatred alive between whites and blacks.

Tim Bob: I admire the way you responded to mustapha's comment - very clever.

Professor Red: Thank you. In my response, I announced to everyone that Obama is a deceptive, hypocritical liar who would do anything to get the presidency, including defrauding the American public.

Tim Bob: And all done in such a calm, matter-of-fact way.

Professor Red: Yes, indeed. I think it's a tragedy that so many people are dumb enough that they won't realize that in the space of one short comment I have publicly denounced the candidate I claim to support.

Tim Bob: Yes, it is tragic. Well, I'll let you get back to work. Perhaps next time we get together, you and I can talk about the recent article in the Washington Post about your blog.

Professor Red: That would be my pleasure!